You're Gonna Have to Do Better Than That

Humanoid Robot

THE IMAGE: A glass-brained humanoid robot pondering which of its inefficient biological creators it should destroy first.

THE BAIT: A sizzling-hot stock tip so valuable that you'd be crazy not to immediately sell your home and move in with your alcoholic brother to invest everything in a company you've never heard of that some guy you don't know thinks will make profits you won't believe at some time you can't ascertain.

THE TARGET: People who don't realize that they'll be fighting over a can of lima beans in a post-climate change apocalypse long before uncannily lifelike robots have a chance to be developed, people who yell at grocery store workers for not accepting Bitcoin, people who think it's wise to take investment advice from an outfit that includes the word "fool" right in its name, Jeff Bezos' ex-wife.

THE STUPID: Ooo ... a CEO believes this is a good investment -- it must be true! CEO of what? I'm the CEO of this underperforming blog, and if you followed my sage investment advice, you'd end up depending on Subway coupons to live, too. And what's the "tech"? Do they mean a specific tech company, or an entire tech industry? Does it involve unsettlingly contemplative robots -- or, wait -- is the robot actually the CEO? And where did they get "35 Amazons"? Why 35? That seems oddly precise. Couldn't they just say, "This could be the next Amazon?" Or were they concerned that potential investors won't buy into a company with a projected earning potential of a mere 30 Amazons? Personally, I draw the line at 38 Amazons -- anything less than that, and you can count me out.