You'll Never Be the Same

Watermelon Trick

THE IMAGE: A stay-at-home husband who will need a new nerd shirt proudly displaying the end result of a meticulous three-hour process of cutting open a watermelon in the most impractical way possible as his wife wearily sets down the pile of work she brought back from the office and imagines how she'll subsequently recount this event to her therapist.

THE BAIT: Some clever tricks to make you feel like your life hasn't been one colossal fuck-up after another.

THE TARGET: People who are willing to go to considerable lengths to impress their imaginary friends, people who love watermelon but hate the ease of serving and eating it in the conventional manner, people looking for a socially acceptable alternative to de-braining the skulls of dead hobos.

THE STUPID: In the inane idiosphere of sponsored content, nothing is just a tip or an idea -- it's always a "hack." If you discover a better way to dry out your smartphone after you accidentally dropped it in the toilet or eradicate your toenail fungus before beach season, you instantly become an ingenious mastermind who's solved the riddle of human existence. In this case, a time-consuming technique for creating the illusion of a rindless watermelon by wasting an entire second watermelon is presented not only as a "hack," but as a "life hack that changes everything," when, at most, it only changes the way you eat watermelon and your odds of ever having sex again.

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