They Couldn't Find a Virgin

Cruise Ship Passengers by the Pool

THE IMAGE: A 26-year-old Safelite sales manager slathered with deep fryer grease and fish oil being forced to jump into a swimming pool filled with hungry reef sharks after losing a limbo competition on the Carnival cruise ship Paradise.

THE BAIT: Stories about dismal, disappointing, and/or dangerous cruises that make you feel better about the fact that you haven't left your house in two years.

THE TARGET: Democrats entertained by the amusing calamities that disproportionately befall Trump voters, depressed women who dull their Instagram-induced FOMO with supermarket wine and late-night cable reruns of Friends, underpaid Filipino cruise ship workers hoping that none of the photos captures them raising their middle finger behind the sunburned backs of bloated American passengers complaining about the poolside buffet being closed between 3:00 and 5:00 PM so the staff can prepare for dinner.

THE STUPID: Why would photos showing the dark side of anything be hilarious? Are these photos supposed to be disturbing, or funny? The featured photo appears to be neither. A large group of young adults gathered around a cruise ship's swimming pool on a sunny day doesn't seem very dark; yet no one looks like they're having a particularly good time, perhaps because they've observed that the social distancing is about the width of a margarita glass and they know how easy it is to fake one of those COVID vaccination cards.

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