Meanwhile, Burger King Is Livestreaming Your Shower

McDonald's Drive-Thru Customers

THE IMAGE: Left: Some dude grabbing his feed bag at an exhaust fume choked McDonald's drive-thru from an underpaid employee hoping that she can survive another day without catching COVID-19 from unmasked assholes who shout out demands for extra ketchup over right-wing talk radio blaring from their SUVs. Right: Some other dude sitting in what appears to be a different vehicle getting ready to wolf down a literally balanced meal from what looks like another restaurant chain when he suddenly realizes he's being watched for reasons that are impossible to fathom.

THE BAIT: Stunning exposé of the secret surveillance practices of fast food companies eager to record their customers stuffing cold, soggy French fries into their faces.

THE TARGET: People who harbor the misimpression that their private lives aren't as breathtakingly boring as their public ones, people who've recently purchased a home security system despite residing in a neighborhood that hasn't experienced a crime of any kind since 1973, people who wrap their phones in tinfoil before they go to bed to keep the NSA from reading their illicit text messages to their dog sitters, Tucker Carlson.

THE STUPID: You want to know how McDonald's employees see inside your car? They look into your open window as they're handing you your crappy food and anxiously awaiting the end of their joyless four-second interaction with you. On a different note, is it just me, or does it seem like that slack-jawed customer on the right probably lives in Barcelona? And why is he wearing white fingernail polish?

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