Just Like the Zapruder Film

Woman Lying in Sun

THE IMAGE: A young woman lying in the sun with her eyes closed, dreaming of becoming the uncompensated subject of a deceptive pictorial advertisement on a fantastic global information sharing network 55 years in the future.

THE BAIT: Something to look at other than your immediate physical surroundings and the annoying biological life forms that make them intolerable.

THE TARGET: People determined to avoid engaging in any socially or economically productive activity for the entire span of their adult lives, pet chimps that have snatched away their owners' cell phones and are randomly tapping on the screens to mimic human behavior, internet bots not yet sufficiently advanced to detect worthless crap.

THE STUPID: How can there be such a thing as an "off camera photo"? Isn't the scene depicted in every photo, by definition, on camera? Were these photos produced by telepathy? Or, pursuant to the principles of quantum theory, do they only come into existence at the moment they are observed? And who exactly is engaged in an ongoing discussion about the teaser image shown here? Is there some annual symposium of academic experts trying to figure out the historical significance of this mystery beach babe, and whether that's her erect nipple, or merely a pointed crease, protruding from her cute bikini top? Hopefully they'll publish their findings in a peer-reviewed journal soon.

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