It Appears I've Been Greatly Misinformed About the Amish

Amish Woman in Lake

THE IMAGE: A soaking wet young woman wearing a ceremonial white vestment that clings tightly to her curvaceous body as she emerges from a lake with ten grinning older men looking on from the waist-high water behind her.

THE BAIT: A list of secret sexual obligations that surprisingly hot Amish chicks must fulfill in order to continue to enjoy the privilege of having no electricity and churning their own butter.

THE TARGET: Evangelical Christian men who regard photos like this as a less sinful alternative to outright pornography, envious male Quakers and Mennonites hastily double-checking their own rule books for women, Catholic guys who are weirdly turned on by group baptisms and have a high threshold for creepiness, Brett Kavanaugh.

THE STUPID: How many non-Amish folks confidently think they know anything about Amish social precepts in the first place? I mean, is someone going to click on the link, carefully review the fourteen "rules," and then exclaim, "Wow, that's totally contrary to my prior understanding of Amish communities!" But if the Amish happen to be short on aging, lecherous men, this would make a great recruitment poster.

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