I Think I'll Stay Inside

Demon With Snake

THE IMAGE: A giant eared, modestly horned demon wrestling with or deploying a fire-breathing serpent (also with ears) while trying to catch springtime raindrops on his pointed tongue.

THE BAIT: Critical information about how the stock market will perform through the end of 2021 in the face of continued COVID fears and the Fed's response to rising inflation from a 16th century French astrologer who wrote weird poems and failed to predict the severe gout that ultimately killed him.

THE TARGET: Upper middle class housewives pining for the return of "Long Island Medium," jittery retirees thinking of converting their entire financial portfolios to gold bullion, doomsday preppers living in decommissioned nuclear missile silos, William Devane.

THE STUPID: So Nostradamus not only specified the exact year in which portentous events would come to pass, but also the exact quarter? Who knew that a guy who lived prior to adoption of the modern calendar could be so precise? Hopefully his predictions include Tesla's fourth quarter earnings report, because I'm really on the fence about whether now might be the time to sell. Also, if the near future somehow involves that Satanic dude with the snake, I'd like to find out before I make my holiday travel plans.