At Least We Still Have Santa

Jesus After Resurrection

THE IMAGE: Super-white Jesus, displaying a part of his body that God forgot to resurrect, waves goodbye to hell-bound historians.

THE BAIT: Rage-inducing claim by atheist liberal elites that the supernatural offspring of an invisible deity who defied numerous laws of biology and physics might not actually have been real.

THE TARGET: Hobby Lobby shoppers, Caucasian Christians who think this is what a Middle Eastern Jew from the first century A.D. looked like, Laura Ingraham.

THE STUPID: Calling Jesus a "famous person" makes him sound more like Ryan Seacrest than the reputed son of God and savior of mankind. Most prominent historians don't doubt that Jesus existed, but only that he performed the cool magic tricks his followers seem to remember better than his actual teaching. Jesus' hair and teeth look pretty good for an era that predated shampoo and dental care.